It’s really hard for me not to let the present change my perception of the past- to let something that was good stay good, even if it’s not good now. I guess there’s no real barrier between then and now, so things are bound to spill over. I guess that’s the same reason that we let the past affect the present, even if it has no real bearing.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the relationships in my life. How things have changed, who I’ve lost or given up.

Can an infinite moment still be infinite when everything is finite? 

 

Angel and I aren’t friends right now. Or any more, I guess. It’s made me do a lot of thinking, and some reevaluation I suppose. The way that that connects to my initial statement is one of the things I’ve thought about a few times is a night from, I think, the second or third week I was here in Reno when Natalie and Angel and Jamel and I were on the way back from a ridiculous party (I’m not even sure that’s the right word), and we were three sheets to the wind and we were laughing hysterically about Natalie stealing this guys Ready Whip and Cherry Limeaid (which I was drinking straight from the carton) and candy from a candy bowl and then Drops of Jupiter started playing and we were all singing and I said “This song has one of my favorite lyrics!” and Angel knew exactly what it was, and we were young and alive and perfect and it felt like one of those moments to take a mental picture of and save in that photo album of happy times.

None of those events have changed, it’s all exactly the same, but now it feels… ingenuine. Tarnished.

I guess it can be kind of easier that way though. It’s a lot less complicated if things were never that good than if they were great.

 

I’ve had the opportunity to know some really wonderful and impactful people in my life. And though there have been a lot of parallels, no two have ever been the same which is just… amazing. They’ve all brought something different into my life, given me things and taken things away. And you never know who is gonna do what– how they will affect you or change things in your life. You might have expectations, but you can never really know– not really.

 

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