“Wreck of the Day” is a really good song for that. “Driving away from the wreck of the day and I thinking of calling on Jesus. His love doesn’t hurt so I know I’m not falling in love I’m just falling to pieces.” Something about that always just hits me.

I’m feeling a mix of sad and frustrated, but also it was a good day so I have to take account of the happy even if it’s not really at the forefront.

As relatively easy as the transition here has been, I still feel like I don’t belong. But I think that has more to do with my own feeling of being out of place than it does with UNR. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do to get people to invite me to parties, or ask me to hang out, or even just respond to the majority of my text messages. Of course saying that makes me feel like I’m just paranoid and that I’m making something out of nothing, but it just sucks hearing people talk about the parties they went to, or the stuff that they did and all I have to talk about is the TV I’ve been watching. I spend more time with fictional people than with real people. I don’t want to sound like I’m feeling sorry for myself, but to a certain extent I guess that’s exactly what I’m doing. I just need to… vent some.

Why do I feel like I have to qualify everything I say? I’m so worried about the way that I sound

And that’s a whole spirally train of thought that I can’t follow around because there isn’t an answer. I really should be writing in my journal where I worry (a little) less about how I sound, but I figured the blog needed up an update. I’m gonna try and find something to get me in a better mindset and then I’ll come back and write about the good things from today.

Advertisements