What is college supposed to be? How is it supposed to be? Yeah, I know things aren’t ‘supposed’ to be any one way, they just are what they are, but how are you supposed to get the most out of it? Another question without an answer. Is experiencing things and discovering boundaries the best thing for a person (me)? Or should you be filling your brain with all the things you can because it’s your last chance before you’re on your own and just expect to know?

People keep saying things about how surprised they are to see me do stuff because of ‘how I was in high school’. It kind of pisses me off. I’ve changed since high school, sure, but in high school no one ever asked me to parties or invited me to do anything, so how the fuck do they know what I would or wouldn’t have done?
It’s all really confusing, because then I have to question where the lines are and which ones I’ve crossed and why there are lines in the first place. It’s frustrating.

Why do I care so much about getting it all ‘right’? Where did I learn to be afraid of choices and the future? What makes me think that ‘right’ means happy? So many questions.

I’ve been putting off scheduling a counseling appointment even though I keep telling myself that I should, even if it’s just one time.

Bed time.

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